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SIGNS
OF ABUSE
Jealousy
An abuser will say that jealousy is a sign of love. It has nothing to
do with love; it is a sign of possessiveness. They may question who
you talk to, accuse you of flirting or be jealous of time spent with
others, including children or family. They may call frequently or drop
by unexpectedly.
Controlling
Behavior
An abuser may say this behavior comes from concern for your safety,
your need to use time well or make good decisions. They may be angry
if you come home late and question you closely about where you were.
They may keep all income or make you ask permission to leave the house.
Quick
Involvement
An abuser may engage in a relationship in a whirlwind, claiming love
at first sight. They may say flattering things such as, "You're
the only one for me" or "I've never loved anyone like this
before."
Unrealistic Expectations
They may be very dependent on you. They may say things like "I'm
all you need and you're all I need." You are expected to take care
of everything in the home and meet everyone's emotional needs.
Isolation
An abuser may try to cut you off from everything and everyone. Your
friends may be accused of causing trouble. You may not be able to use
the phone or go out when you want to.
Blames Others for Problems
They may justify their behavior by saying that people are “out
to get them.” They may blame you for everything that goes wrong.
Blames Others for Feelings
They may say "you make me mad" or "you're hurting me
by not doing this or that." Often times these statements are used
to manipulate.
Hypersensitivity
They are easily insulted, claim hurt feelings when they are really mad,
or take the slightest setback as personal attacks.
Cruelty to Animals or Children
An abuser may punish animals brutally or be insensitive to their pain.
They may expect children to do things beyond their ability or tease
them until they cry.
Use of Force in Sex
They may like to throw you down and hold you down during sex or act
out fantasies where you are helpless. They may initiate or have sex
while you are sleeping or demand sex when you are ill or tired.
Verbal Abuse
They may degrade you, curse you, or minimize your accomplishments. They
will tell you that you are stupid and unable to function alone.
Past Battering
You may find the abuser has hit lovers in the past, but claims they
are lying or they deserved it.
Threats of Violence
"I'll slap your mouth off" or "I'll kill you" are
examples of threats. Also nonverbal threats like angry gestures, clenched
fists or standing in a doorway during an argument. They may threaten
to attack you at work or threaten other family members.
Breaking and Striking Objects
This behavior is used to terrorize you. They may choose specific items
of personal worth to you. They may throw objects near you.
Any Force During an Argument
This may involve holding you down or restraining you from leaving the
room.
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